Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
