i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
