I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
