it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
