this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
