i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
