It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
