fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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