i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
