turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
