I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she told me i tasted like america
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
