I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
