Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
