yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
