I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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