it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
