How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
