I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can you bring me the toilet please
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
