I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
