So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize