This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize