Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
