yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
