i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dear god my vagina.
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