I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
