She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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