2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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