He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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