Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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