I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
