are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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