The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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