sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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