Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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