I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
