I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
