mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
