he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
