im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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