that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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