I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
