They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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