I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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