Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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