His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
