I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize