dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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