I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
