I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
