why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize