Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
