and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
