I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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