I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
