my phone needs a breathalizer
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
