Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
