I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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