lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
