his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
