i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
