goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
