remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
