Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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