You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
