You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
