i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think a kid would responsible me up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
