And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
