I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
