Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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