Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
