you guys were way drunker than both of me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
