Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
