Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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