Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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