I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This baby is an asshole
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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