forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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