i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
