I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
